


Impossible

by albuqueline



Category: chim - Fandom
Genre: Angst, CHIM - Freeform, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, cheryl/kimberley, chezza/kimba, girls aloud - Freeform, nicola roberts - Freeform, x factor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 11:46:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11897088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/albuqueline/pseuds/albuqueline
Summary: Hi, I'm Jaqueline and this is a fanfic about Girls Aloud. More specifically about Cheryl and Kimberley's relationship and heart ache.This is an old story that I'm still working on and rewriting as I go. I didn't want to lose it so I thought it would be a good idea to post it here.If someone ends up finding it I hope you enjoy even with all the mistakes and weird writing. I was a baby that didn't know english very well when I first started this. Not that my writing is any better now... Anyways. It's a Chim fanfic and it's a long one.





	1. Chapter 1

Flashback.

They didn’t know at the time, but this was their last tour together as a band. While the five girls were performing the last song of the night, Cheryl’s heart started to beat faster due to the reaction of the public. The reaction of the fans was always emotional, for all of them. The screams, the tears they could see on some of the faces that were close enough... They could see and feel so much love coming from the crowd it was impossible not to cry along with them or, at least, be emotional about all the good energy surrounding them.

The lights went of and the girls left the stage after thanking everyone for their presence and responding to the love they also felt towards their fans.

Cheryl was exhausted, her legs were weak and there was no air left in her lungs. She sure as hell loved dancing and gave more than a hundred percent of her energy to doing it right, but that meant that every show ended with her feeling drained. All of them hugged backstage as per usual and made their ways out of the building to go to the after party. Yeah, even with all of them being exhausted they were going to celebrate the success of another show. There was always an 'after party’ and they loved it. Usually getting so drunk that they could barely walk.

On their way to the cars that were waiting right outside the door Cheryl remembered that it could be cold when she went out in the open. It was hot now, yes, but just because they were dancing like crazy onstage, but later, when their bodies calmed down, it would be cold for sure! So she stopped and told the other girls that she would go back to get all of their jackets. They all agreed and went straight to the cars as Chez went back to the dressing room they all shared.

The place was upside down, as always. Five girls were for sure able to make a huge mess because of how fast they had to be to change and how little time they had to get ready. Between five girls there was a lot to do in every capacity there was while they were on tour. With all the running around to change clothes there was no time to be organized so Cheryl grabbed the jackets she found, but she was missing one. She couldn’t find Kimberley’s jacket. She looked everywhere and when she was about to go find her friend and ask where her jacket was, she came into the dressing room and locked the door behind her.

\- Kimba, babe. I was about to go find you… Where’s your jacket? I looked everywhere but I can’t find it. -

She stepped more into the room and closer to Cheryl in complete silence, like she hadn’t heard a word of what the shorter woman had said.

\- Kim?! – Cheryl’s voice came out in a tone of concern, it wasn't Kimba's style to be the silent one when directely talked to so it was a bit strange for her to get no answer whatsoever.

When Kimberley continued to step closer to Chez, the other woman started taking steps backwards while her friend stared at her without saying a word. Cheryl only stopped moving away from Kimberley once she felt her back hit the table of mirrors where they did their makeup. At this point Chez just continued watching as Kimba made her way to her with a grin on her lips and green eyes locked on her.

\- Kimba... Wake up! - She said as some kind of joke, trying to make the woman snap out of whatever kind of transe she seamed to be locked in but her voice had a trembling pitch due to the strangeness of what was happening. She didn’t understand what it was that her friend was doing.

_Why didn’t she respond? What was that look in her eyes? What the hell was going on?!_

She was taken off of her thoughts when she felt Kimberley’s hands firmly hold onto her hips. Those deep eyes staring into her own with such interest that she actually shuddered with the weight they held. It wasn't like Kimberley had never touched her like that before. Firm and warm hands at her sides, but being alone with Kim like that was kind of new to her, it usually happaned around the other girls and so many other people that Cheryl never had the time to pay attention to how good it felt to be held like that. If she had, maybe the woman would had recognized sooner how exciting it was to have her friend this close.

_What’s up with you?!_ She thought, while staring at the taller woman, now so close to her. She felt her body heat up almost immediately due to the feeling of Kimberley’s hands on her. Cheryl’s eyes, fixed into the other woman’s, scrolled down to her lips. She was smiling in such an inviting way that all those old longings Cheryl had came to the forefront of her mind.

She always wanted to kiss Kimberley, had done so before. Little pecks onstage and off, never anything too meaningful, but the want had always been there, withing her. But this time Cheryl felt her whole body scream for her friend, a need so deep and strong she could barely keep herself in place. The shorter brunnete felt scared but oh, so taken by a simple touch she couldn’t care less.

Kimberley had yet to say something but instead, her hands traveled behind Chez’s back, looking for the zipper of her dress which, once found, started to be openned very slowly. The tips of Kim’s fingers ghosting along the other woman’s skin. Cheryl’s breath was caught on her throat and the only sound made was her own gasp, caused by the chills Kimbeley’s touch caused on her.

Cheryl watched her friend as she got her face closer to her own, their lips almost touching but Kimberley took another direction, going down to Cheryl’s neck. The woman could feel Kim’s hot breath against her skin, the smell of her skin intoxicating Cheryl’s senses and that made her want her friend even more than she did before.

Cheryl liked to think she was pretty smart about mantaining boundaries when it came to Kimberley. It wasn’t like she didn’t know the woman was attractive and made her day dream sometimes, but she was able to keep her cool. Most of the time or, at least, until this very unnexpected moment.

Cheryl’s body was already hot and burning in anticipation as she felt Kimberley’s lips make contatc with the skin on her neck and when the soft, almost not-there kisses started coming, her eyes fell closed. Breathing became a very difficult chore to the woman.

\- Kimba… Please! – Cheryl’s voice came out lower and trembling due to the lack of self control she already felt about this whole situation. With each touch Kimberley made Chez want her more.

When she could finally move her own hands they went directly to her friend’s hips, in need, pressing the taller woman into her own body. The need to feel Kimberley pressed against herself stronger than everything else.

\- Shh... Let me love you Chez. – Kimberley said as she brought her lips to Cheryl’s in a kiss so passionate it had nothing on the bliss of the pecks they had shared before. Their lips collided in a urgent and intense kiss. Cheryl’s tongue traveling Kimberley’s mouth with so much desire that there was no self control left.

The straps of Cheryl’s dress that once laid firmly on her shoulders were already down on her arms, only the secure built-in bra to hold the upper section of the dress onto her slim body. She took her arms off of it quietly, letting the strings lose their pourpose completely.

Kim’s hands traveled the sides of Cheryl’s body and she pushed the dress down to her hips, letting her breasts free. Short sighs escaped Cheryl’s throat, her excitement already taking over her body completely. She felt light scratches on her back, which pleased her even more. Cheryl’s hands continued pressing Kimberley against herself, keeping their bodies together.

\- Kim… - She called again, not knowing if she wanted to stop whatever it was that was happening or hurry it up to have Kimberley where she wanted her the most.

Kim was so quiet that, if she wasn’t touching Cheryl and kissing her mouth and neck the woman would believe this to be some kind of dream and then the green eyed woman took off Cheryl’s dress completely, leaving the smaller woman wearing only her underwear. She held Cheryl up and sat her on the table she was leaning against. Their lips parted quickly, but soon she kissed Chez again while taking one of her hands to the woman’s sex. A light touch that made Cheryl moan into her mouth. Surprise and desire took hold of them.

Now was the time to make their desires come true, undestanding was for later.

\- I want you so much, Chez... – Kim’s lips were pressed against Cheryl’s while she spoke. Hearing her voice made everything feel a million times more intense for Cheryl. This was it. This was what she denied herself to acknowledge she wanted, needed. Again, Cheryl felt her body burn and tremble with the desire to hear her friend, to feel every inch of skin Kimba had on that God sculptured body.

Kimberley has always been the sexiest of the group and they all had fun with her butt, but after the last kiss these two shared, Cheryl’s body started to ask for the other woman and she was almost losing control over her own actions. And now...

Hearing Kimberley say that she wanted Cheryl was like throwing alcohol on fire for the woman. Her desire increased in such a proportion that she felt dizzy, her body burning within itself with so much want and need and desire... All mixed together in a pool of pure pleasure.

Cheryl’s body shuddered from all that pleasure and much more with each of Kimberley’s touches. The sounds being made wouldn't happen with anybody else, ever.

Chez took her hands from Kim’s hips and held on to the table while the other woman took the last piece of clothing Cheryl still had on. She looked at Chez with malice on her eyes and so much want that her body twitched completely when she felt the woman’s hand reach her sex, now completely exposed for her to do whatever she’d like with.

\- Aargh… Kimberley! - Cheryl wished the taller woman would make her her’s to keep.

\- Cheryl, I want to make you mine. - That was it! That was the last drop for Cheryl. It felt like they had some sort of other worldly connection besides the desire for one another that they were both feeling and on that moment Cheryl lost full control over her body, letting it vulnerable for Kimberley to take.

She inclined her head backwards biting donw on her lips in excitement which left her chest totally free for Kimberley to satisfy herself with. The woman didn’t hesitated for a second and brought her lips to meet Chez’s breasts where she sucked hard, alternating between them. Leaving a trail of messy kisses, bites and worship.

Kim’s hand was working quietly at Cheryl’s sex at first, but, slowly, her movements took speed and strength and all Cheryl could do was move against the other woman’s moviments and call her name in between moans and growns that she half tried to contain. Short groans escaped her and she whispered Kimberley’s name between sighs of pleasure while she alternated the focus of her energy to her hip moviments and the focus of her eyes on Kimberley’s handy work. Her body was in height of excitement which increased more and more by the minute.

Cheryl took one of her hands to Kimberley’s and brought it up to one of her breasts, holding it tight untill it hurt. Kim’s movements were fast and she could feel her body twitching and giving out to the woman.

\- Oooh… Kim... My God...- She let her body relax and take the pleasure that was being given, shuting her eyes closed.

Kimberley looked at the woman, smiling in pride for a brief moment and took her hand from her sex slowly. They kissed once more and stayed like that, looking at each other for a brief moment. Smiles being displayed in a wonderful and blissful way.

Cheryl realized that they were locked in that mess of a dressing room for too long and the other girls were waiting for them so she got up from the table, got dressed and went to the bathroom. When she left, Kimberley was with all the jackets in hand and they left towards the cars to join their other band mates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter rewritten.


	2. Chapter 2

Cheryl could _not_ wait to see the girls again. It had been years since they were all together in the same space. Nicola, Nadine, Sarah and Kimberley were already there, Chezza was on her way when she stopped to buy coffee.

Upon getting there, she ran out of the car in a hurry and went to the room where the girls were waiting for her. As she entered the damn room she bumped into Nadine who greeted her with a hug. So tight that it was hard to breathe.

\- My God, I missed you. - She said with a huge smile on her face. That unique accent that Cheryl had missed so much more than she thought she would.

She took a deep breath and smiled in the same maner.

\- I missed you too, you disappeared. –

She untagled herself from the life treatning hug and turned away from Nadine. Still smiling she stepped further into the room to greet the other girls.

Nicola was next and the now grown ass woman almost killed her with an avalanche of kisses on the cheek which, of course, covered Cheryl in lipstick. Sarah ran from her spot on the other end of the room, a smile as shiny and big as the sun that was so rare in England and jumped around the place hugging the smaller woman like a child who had only size. Typical of the blonde.

As Cheryl approached Kimberley, she felt her heart tighten in her chest. She took a deep breath and put a smile firmly on her face as if it was nothing. She hugged the taller woman and that was it… No words, no kisses on the cheek or neck as they were so used to doing all those years ago.

\- I missed you, Chez. –

Cheryl felt her legs shaking and her heart pounding as if it was about to jump straight out of her chest and fall into Kimberley’s hands.

Kimberley’s voice took Cheryl’s breath away and she had to bow down her head to fake a smile while she tried to mantain her self control. Everytime she felt safe enough to lose it, she lost someone she cared about along with it.

When the woman finally could look at her long lost best friend, Kimba’s smile was still the most beautiful thing that was ever directed at her.

Kimberley had always had the most gorgeous smile in the world, at least that was what Cheryl thought and anyone who dared to desagree would find themselves on the recieving end of a life long list of reasons as to why that was.

\- I missed you too, Kimberley. - Her smile faded. Cheryl didn’t call her “Kimba” and when that happened was because the smaller woman was uncomfortable or disturbed with something and Kimberley knew that. She always knew how to decipher Cheryl’s expressions, smiles, words... Each with a different meaning.

Once the awkawardness Cheryl felt was eased by Nicola’s hand on hers, they all took their seats at the table placed in the middle of the room and talked about the meeting to be held later that year, when they would complete 10 years as a band. The conversation went well, except when Cheryl’s eyes would insist on meeting those of Kimberley and that weird and uncontrollabe discomfort took hold of her again. Her heart always quickened, every time she felt Kimberley’s eyes on her.

It was hurting.

She felt desperate. Wishing that nothing had happened, but still and at the same time wishing that it had because it was so wonderful, so beautiful and meaningful to her. What Cheryl really wanted to change was Kimberley’s reaction afterwards.

_xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcx_

**Flashback.**

They left the dressing room holding hands, laughing and playing with each other as they always did. In the car, they sat side by side and exchanged glances, smiles and a bunch of goofy stuff as they also used to do all the time.

What had happened only moments before still caused goosebumps all over Cheryl’s body, gave her a pleasant chill and made her palms sweat. 

Their kisses were so passionate, Kimberley’s lips still leaving the most gracious after taste on Cheryl’s. Their touches had been so delicate, lovely, pleasurable and still, so intense and desperate she could still feel Kimberley’s hand between her legs... The burning sensation Kimberley’s nails left behind when she scrathed Cheryl’s back still made the woman’s legs feel numb.

They got to the location of the party still full of adrenaline on their bodies. Sarah immediately went to the bar and pulled Cheryl with her and, of course, Cheryl pulled Kimberley along, but the woman let go of her hand and went to the dance floor instead.

\- Come on Chezz, I need a drink! –

\- You always need a drink, Sarah. –

\- True! – The blonde laughed. – You’re so tense that you should be the one dragging me here. Now come on, babe! – 

Cheryl just laughed at the natural behavior of the blonde and followed her put. She had a point after all and Cheryl would be damned if she would let the night end without the greatest celebration of her lifetime. Not she needed licquor to do that but it was a hell of a lot more fun with it thrown into the mix.

The night was fading quickly as it always did when they partied together.

They were all drinking, having fun, messing around... Nothing unusual, except for Kimberley's behavior. She was fleeing from Cheryl’s touches, from her company, her looks. It felt like she wanted to escape Cheryl’s very own existence.

She acted as if she didn’t knew Cheryl as well as she did and, even worse, as if nothing had happened between them just a few hours earlier.

The night ended like that. Kimberley in a deathly silence and Cheryl deeply hurt.

_Did she regret it?_

A tear ran down Cheryl’s face just thinking about that possibility. Her heart twisted in her chest as if trying to escape the feeling.

She slept in tears, wishing it was nothing. Wishing that Kimberley’s behavior didn’t mean remorse, disgust, regret and all the other terrible things her mind was counjuring up.

**End of Flashback.**

_xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcx_

That night, Cheryl’s heart had been broken and Kimberley’s behavior was like stepping on it, already torn and smashed on the ground.

\- I want tea. - Chez said, already standing up in the middle of the conversation about new songs for the tour. - Does anyone else want one? – 

She only asked out of courtesy, what she really wanted was to get out of that room. Get away from those big green ocean eyes.

Kimberley, _of-fucking-course_ , stood up and said she would go with Cheryl to the kitchen to make the damn tea she didn’t really want.

_Shit._

Nicola looked at Cheryl apprehensively, but she ignored her red haired friend and went to the kitchen anyways.

So she had told Nicola about what had happened, so what?! She had to tell her! She is like a little sister to Cheryl and keeping that night a secret was killing the woman. So she blurted it all out to her friend a week after it had happened and she was completely understanding, as always. Her little ray of sunshine, always a hundred miles ahead of every single one of them and still just a little girl at the time.

Silence fell upon them as Kimberley came into the kitchen after Cheryl and shut the door, locking it behind her.

It was an uncomfortable silence, so strange it almost felt like a phisycal form between them.

After that night, this was the first time they were alone together in any sort of place.

Cheryl wanted to confront the other woman, let the hurt in her chest fade away and finally ask why… _Why did she behave like that? Why did she ran from Cheryl after what had happened? Why she was never the same again? Did she think it was that bad? Did she feel so much regret for what had happened that she would let their friendship just... die?_ Friendship which, Cheryl had needed all these years. Friendship which she was missing in her life.

Chez was taken out of her thoughts and doubts by a weak voice and of course it was her.

\- Cheryl. –

She could feel that Kimberley had come closer, but didn’t dare turnning around to look at her.

\- Look at me, please. –

Cheryl’s heart was pounding. Hearing Kimberley’s voice was making Cheryl tremble on the spot, her back turnned to the other woman to mantain some sort of control over the whole messed up situation they found theirselves in.

One of Kimberley’s hands went up to Cheryl’s waist which gave her chills. Cheryl closed her eyes while trying to keep her breath. Then, Kim placed her other hand on the other side of Cheryl’s body and pulled the smaller woman to one side so she would turn and look at her. Cheryl leaned her hipbone on the counter and Kimberley stepped in front of her, searching for eye contact while Chez kept her eyes down and her face turned in the opposite direction.

\- Cheryl, please … - The tone of Kim’s voice was trembling. She sounded so honest and broken, so open and desperate to talk to Cheryl that was hard for the brunnette to believe.

Cheryl had never liked that tone. As Kimberley could read her like an open book, so could she when it came to the green eyed woman now standing in front of her and this tone was of regret. Pain, even and that only scared and made Cheryl hurt even more.

Tears formed on the smaller woman’s eyes, but she fought with all her strength and prevented them from falling. Slowly, she looked at Kimberley and saw that her eyes were also full of unshed tears.

Their faces were inches apart, Cheryl could feel Kimberley’s breath against the skin in her face wich only caused an urge in her to kiss the now blonde woman. Her short hair fell so perfectly around her face, it looked so soft that all Cheryl wanted was to pass her fingers through it and feel the silk like sansation on her hand. She wanted to feel the gentle touch of Kimba’s lips against hers once more...

\- I’m sorry. – Kimberley’s voice was a little whisper, and now the tears ran freely down her face. Seeing the woman cry made Cheryl phisically ill, her heart ached, but, just like the woman who stand with her, she was also injured in their little war of whims.

\- For what Kimberley? – The brunnette tried to keep an authoritarian and natural voice, but failed shamefully dropping just a trembling whisper.

Kimberley brought one of her hands up to Cheryl’s face. Her touch made Cheryl break, so soft and caring like it once was... Chills went up her spine.

Cheryl closed her eyes and their foreheads touched. At this point Cheryl’s tears also ran as free as birds down her own face.

\- For turning away from you and leaving you for so long. - Out of nowhere, Kimberley’s voice was strong and present. Chez lifted her face, trying desperately to stop crying and show herself as the strong, intact woman she had learned to be.

She didn’t want and would not show Kimberley how hurt and broken she was, how much she missed her Kimba. How even after the way she was treated by this woman all those years ago, she still loved her with every breath she took and would take.

Cheryl’s eyes met Kimberley’s and in those deep green seas she could see genuine regret turned into tears. A massive confusion came over the brunnette almost immediately…

_Why now?_

They had spent three years in this painful state of abandonment from each other, in this mess that hurts so much it's almost too hard to breathe. In this cold and total distance…

_Why would she regret it now? Why didn't she reached out before and saved them both from feeling all this pain?!_

\- Say something, Chez… Please. – Kimberley begged and pushed a lock of hair away from Cheryl’s face.

\- Why now? - The words left on an impulse and Cheryl regretted them immediately.

_Does she even want to know? What if Kimberley is just saying all of that because she feels alone and lost?_

Like she left Cheryl feeling that night so many years ago. 

_What if this sorrow that Kimberley says she feels came out of pure selfishness?_

After all, she managed to move on with her life pretty well without Cheryl for three whole years...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter rewritten.


	3. Chapter 3

Kimberley took a deep breath, her eyes locked on Cheryl.

She was surprised with the glow and determination Kimberley’s gaze seamed to held but she didn’t expect the feeling that was about to hold her heart with as much strengh as she saw in the woman standing in front of her.

\- Because since the day it all happened, I feel a lump in my chest and it hurts like hell, but I was afraid to talk to you about it and realize you might not feel the same way... Each piece of me begs for you and misses you so, please... 

Please Chez… I’m so sorry. 

Will you forgive me? -

\- KIMBERLEY JANE WALSH AND CHERYL ANN TWEEDY, GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! – 

That took Cheryl out of it, thank God.

Sarah’s voice was loud, very loud, as it always was. 

\- Gurls, we need you, you’re part of this band, remember? –

The adrenaline Cheryl still felt after the confusion those words caused in her heart and mind was what made her walk away from Kimberley and towards the door. Almost running to it. 

She unlocked the wooden collored barrier that once protected her from the world outside praying hard for Sarah’s lack of attention to detail that would make her oblivious to that quick little sound of the key doing its job on the doorknob and the door itself was open before any other sound could be made only to meet the cat-like look coming her way from the blonde’s side of things.

Kimberley, on the other hand, seamed to be completely fine and not at all the complete mess Cheryl felt like when she made her way back to the room where the reunion was being held, just down the short hall, her quick and even steps carring her elegantly the whole way. 

At least those ridiculously painful things she had to learn how to dance in served her for something. Cheryl thought as she still remered Kim had the hardest time with them, back when they were starting their friendship and the band. All in the same, as sometimes it felt like.

 _Oh, God. The band, the girls._

\- What in the burning hell took you two so long? Were you waiting for the damn palnts to grow to make the tea you seam to not even have made yet? – 

One of Sarah’s hands was laying low on her hip while she leaned her other side against the doorframe.

\- Oh, sorry. We got caught up talking. You know, it’s been a while. I miss her. I miss all of you. – 

With that half true, which was all she could possible be able to give Sarah at that moment, she made her not so elegantly way down that same hall and back to the other reunion also being held in the place.

The only person besides herlself and Kimberley who knew about what could have made those two loose track of time was Nicola, but the suspicion was present in Sarah’s and Nadine’s eyes as well. She felt it being directed towards her when she got to the table and sat down, Sarah right behind her.

~ 

The day passed by slowly. Way, way too slowly. It felt like someone was holding back the hours.

They discussed all that was needed at the time: the name of the new álbum which would be the same for the tour and even began thinking about some melody for the new songs they would record, Nicola being the one making the most noise about it. The girl had a million ideas and more and still, each time Cheryl’s name was formed on Kimberley’s lips, her heart skipped a beat.

~

When she finally got home, Cheryl felt exausted.

Her two dogs, Coco and Buster, were sleeping already and although she wanted to cuddle them and finally feel some sense of normalty, as she always did when she got home from a specially difficult meeting, they were too cute for her to dare waking them up. So she passed them by.

She climbed the stairs holding onto the railing, her body suddenly feeling as heavy as a bag of potatos when needed to be carried which made the whole thing a lot more difficult than it actually was. 

The brunnette woman with eyes as dark as the Earth itself didn’t know if she was that tired because the day was ridiculously long, because she’s working as hard as she possibily can to promote her solo career or because of that God forsaken reunion her bandmates insisted in having. And of course they were right, they would never figure all of the details out if they hadn’t done it in person. Sarah had way too many crazy ideas for them to be able to explain to her all the reasons why they were, indeed, crazy for them to keep up a conversation on some sort of group chat online and having spent the day doing just that and absolutely not worrying at her bottom lip about what Kimberley ment with all those big sentences, she was done for the day. There wasn’t any energy left in her to deal with anything else besides getting to her room and thrwoing herself in bed.

But oh, man... The universe wasn’t about to let her be, it had to mess it up a bit.

Her cellphone went off with that awfull ringtone she hadn’t had the time nor the mind space to change yet and her tired state or lack of self preservation made her answer Kimberley’s call without a second thought.

\- What now? – 

_Breathe,Cheryl._

\- Hi bab… Chezz, hi. – 

\- Hi, what do you want Kimberley? – 

\- Can we talk? – 

Something in the way Kimberley said that made Cheryl aware that something was up and even with all the hurting they’ve been stuck in, nothing would make her not care for her friend and try to help her out of any situation what so ever, so... She swalled her resentment and sat up on the bed.

\- We’re already talking Kimberley. What’s wrong? Did something happen? –

\- No, no. Nothing happened... I just... I want to talk to you. Can I come over? –

 _Damnit Cheryl! Breathe._

\- Right now?! –

\- Yeah... –

\- Uh, okay. Sure. – 

_For God's sake! Breathe._

~

Cheryl had no idea what to do with herself so she decided to go down stairs and wait on her couch. That should be enough to keep her body and mind still. It ended up being the best thing she could have done since her dogs woke up with the noise she made rushing down, which gave her a nice and warm distraction from the little detail that Kimberley was on her way there and she had no idea what the curvy woman wanted to talk to her about.

Sooner than she expected, someone knocked on the front door and, at the same exact time, she got a text message.

Oppening the thing while making her way to the door she had half a heart attack. It was supposed to be Kimba telling her the obivious like she used to do every time she knocked on any door, ever. Not him.

_Hya, I miss you. xx_

Her heart went to her troat where home was absolutely not meant to be, her eyes wide and her mind utterely confused. It had been a while now, come on!

What is wrong with people? Why do they like to send all kinds of mixed signals her way? She’s not a toy to be played around with! Why the hell does everyone she ever loved leaves and after a while came back saying that they’re sorry? That they miss her? Why??? She does not look like someone that likes to get hurt, for God’s sake. Neither does she like to be everyone’s second choice!

\- God Cheryl, why do you look so chocked? It’s not like I’ve never came to your house before… -

She looks at Kimberley then and moves out of the way so the woman can get into the ridiscusly large house that asshole bought for them. 

\- It’s not that… Come on, get in. - Kim passes by her and she can’t help but close her eyes for a brief second. Just to breathe her friend in and let the unpleasent feeling out with a deep sigh.

\- What is it then? You’re pale and you’re never pale. - Cheryl can hear concern in Kimberley’s voice and she kind of likes it. It makes her think the other woman still cares for her.

\- Erm… Nothing. Just a text. – It’ll slide. It’s been too long.

\- Okay... Who’s it from? – Maybe not.

\- Ashley. – 

His name sounds weird coming out of her mouth, she hadn ‘t talked about him for so long that it seems as if it’s the first time she ever did.

\- Ashley? The Ashley who cheated on you with half the country?! What does he want? – 

Ok, so, now Kimberley sounds angry and maybe, just maybe, a little bit jealous. Cheryl ignores that thought and labels it as wishful thinking. There's no way she would even care enough to actually be bothered by it.

\- Yes, that one and I don’t know what he wants yet... He just texted a second ago. –

Cheryl moves away from the woman asking her questions like she has all the right in the world to know what’s up with her and her ex husband and throws the phone at the couch, making her way into the kitchen.

\- Well... – Kimberley follows the brunnette imediatly. – What did he say? –

\- That he misses me, two exes at the end. Need to know anything else? – She leaned her hip agains the counter and crosses her arms in front of herself. Like hell Kimberley had any right to know all of this and like hell Cheryl would let her run all over this subject matter when she was the one who had something to talk to her about.

\- No... Sorry. – 

\- You need to stop saying that. – Chez moves away from the counter and towards the stove. Since she’s up, she might as well make herself a cuppa.

\- What?! Sorry? – Kimberley was now in the same spot Cheryl had left behind, same pose and everything. 

\- Yes. It’s losing it’s effect, y’know. You’ve said it too much today and soon it’ll stop meaning anything at all. –

\- Well, I don’t know what else to say and it has been impossible to talk to you during the day. It’s almost like you’re making it hard for me on porpouse! – The short haired, blonde woman put her hands on the counter and let out a sigh. – It feels like you’re running away from me all the time. – 

Cheryl turns around then, her gaze on Kimberley.

\- That’s because I am. – 

The woman looks at her, surprise on her features and deffeat on her posture.

\- What?! Making it har for me or running away? – 

The shorter woman turns back to face the water she had just put on top of one very hot lit stoven. 

\- Both. – 

Silence made itself present during the short while Cheryl fixed up two cup of teas and their short walk back towards the couch where they were now sitting. Close, but not close enough to touch one another and that was fine with Cheryl.

Kimberley, on the other hand, seamed to be having na internal fight with herself to keep from inching closer every now and then. 

\- So... Ashley, huh? What’s that all about? – Kimberley had never liked Ashley and had never lied about it. He just wasn’t good enough for her friend since they met and that was it. So, it was weird for her to start a conversation about him and Cheryl, but as the good friend she used to always be, she wanted to know what the brunnette felt about him making contact with her again. – Do you think he misses you now just because nobody else seams to actually like him anymore? –

Cheryl got all kinds of angry and none had to do with the guy she considered dead now.

\- Because I’m not worth missing just for the sake of it? – She sounds hella rude and she doesn’t even care about it at this point. 

So the guy was dead to her, yeah. It doesn’t mean she likes to be reminded about what he did to her and how much she actually hurt because of it. It made her mad. 

Not because of what he did nor because she got hurt by him, but because this damn woman walts into her house looking like an actual angel who just landed on her front door to save her with that gorgeous smile she hadn’t had the pleasure to see yet and she keeps bringing that up. 

Okay, maybe she’s angry because she’s anxious to know what the woman really wanted to talk about when she called in the midle of Cheryl’s black out to rest and shut down the world, but it’s not like Cheryl would addmit to that.

\- That’s not what I meant… -

\- Whatever, Kimberley. What did you want to talk to me about? – She won’t addmit to it, but she will turn this around and actually get to the point of this very unexpected visit.

\- I’m serious, Cheryl, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude or to offend you, I just… I don’t like him very much and neither should you. You know that. – 

The audacity. 

Cheryl was burning with anger from the inside out. She couldn’t decide what she wanted to do first. Slap Kimberley in the face to put some sense into her, which was a brand new urge to her, or yell at the woman about it.

\- Who said I like him?! Jesus, Kimberley, you know better than that, I hope. At least you used to before going awall tree years ago. – So she decided on that and she didn’t decide at all, if we’re being honest. Her words just made themselves be heard and as soon as she said it, bringing up what had actually happened between them, she felt herself drowning in regret and nerveousness. 

Once again, silence fell between them. Both women seamed too nervous to make any sort of sound and they both were glad for the short break, it gave them a little bit of time to try and recollect themselves.

\- Okay, sorry. –

\- Stop saying you’re sorry. – 

Kimberley stays quiet, as if she’s afraid to say something wrong which seams to be her forte at the moment.

A few minutes go by and it feels like hours. They were quiet and the silence was starting to feel slightly uncomfortable so when Cheryl caouldn’t take anymore of it, she took a deep breath and dived right into the subject Kimberley appears to be avoiding.

\- So, what did you want to talk about? –

Kimberley shifts on her side of the couch and takes her time to breathe as well.

\- Well, I want to finish what I was saying at the reunion, before Sarah came and ruined it with her lousy meaners. –

\- Right... Go ahead. –

Cheryl was tired of hearing excuses and even though she knew it was important for the both of them to talk about it and try to regain some tipe of normalcy between the two, she couldn’t help also feeling exausted and over it. All of it. To hell with being rejected again by this incredible woman whom had all the keys to her heart.

But, for the sake of their tour and for her other friends who were also a part of it and deserved better, she took on the role of the brunnette they all loved to say was the bravest girl in the whole wild world.

\- What else do you have to say about it? – 

Her bravety is gone as soon as Kimberley’s eyes meets hers. Now all she’s able to feel is scared. Her heart is about to be broken again and she hadn’t had enough time and strengh to glue it back together since the first time Kimberley broke it. She might be the one pretending not to be in love with her long lost friend, but said friend had been cruel and desapeared on her... What should she do?! Give herself to her without knowing what she truly wants with all of this? Not again, no.

\- I love you, Cheryl. I love you too much to let you go. I know it might be hard for you to believe me right now but... I miss you, Cheryl. I miss you so much it phisically hurts to breathe. – The blonde woman turned her body towards Cheryl and faced her, getting closer on the couch once again. - I miss our friendship, I miss the smell of you, I miss the...- She was now passing her fingers on Cheryl’s lips, looking at them as if they were hypnotic and she was the victim of it’s power. 

The shorter woman beaks free from the contact to be able to pay attention to what she’s hearing. She can not be fulled by her own emotions again. She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to survive another aftermath with Kimberley.

\- I miss seeing you smile at me from across the room, I miss everything about you, Cheryl... I... I miss you and I love you. Please, forgive me for acting like an idiot that night. I’m sorry for acting like nothing had happened. –

\- Why did you do it? – 

\- I was scared of what I was feeling so I ran from it. I acted like an idiot but I want to redeem myself... If you'll let me. – The hand that had magicaly found its way to Cheryl’s lips was now resting on her thigh where she gave a little squeeze to help her plead get across. 

Running down Kimberley’s face, the watery truth was hard to miss. Freely taking form in the woman’s tears.

Cheryl had no clue of what to do or say. She didn’t understand it completely.

Was Kimberley trying to make amands on their friendship or... Her finger caressing Cheryl’s lips a moment ago made everything so confusing!

\- What do you want from me, Kimberley? I don’t understand. – 

\- I just want you. In any capacity you’re willing to allow me. – 

The stunned brunnette breathes deeply. Sighs and twitches on the couch. Her body tense and mind running in a thousand different circles of heart break, heart ache, insecurity... Nothing is clear anymore and that makes everything even harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter rewritten.


	4. Chapter 4

KIMBERLEY’S POV

We were lying on her bed, her head on my chest, my arms around her waist and our bodies heat becoming one. I was so happy to be with her again. Her skin is so soft, just as I remembered. Her smell, she smells of rosebuds. God, I love her so much.  
I don’t understand how I could stay away from her for so long. How could I hurt her like that. I was so scared of what I was feeling that I forgot she probably was scared too. She was scared but she didn’t act like we were nothing, I did that. Oh God, I acted like I didn’t knew the woman I love, the only one I knew I could rely on. The only person that just wanted to see me smile and make me forget the world. How could I hurt the most perfect person I’ve ever knew? I understand why she didn’t forgive me yet, I didn’t forgive myself either and I don’t know if I ever will.  


CHERYL’S POV

\- CHEEEEEEZZA!!! WAKE UP ALREADY! -  
I jumped out of bed in one move.  
God, what the hell was that? I breathed and looked down at Kimberley who was still sleeping and then I heard it again…  
\- For God’s sake, I’m gonna kill you Cheryl - With that, I recieved a text.  
From Lilly: I’m at your door and if you’re not wake I’m gonna kill you myself. WAKE UP!!! -  
\- Oh. My. God. I totally forgot… -  
\- What’s going on? Why is everyone screaming? - I looked at Kimberley and freaked out. What is Lilly going to think? What I am gonna say to her? How can I explain why Kimberley is here at 8 am? Bright and shiny as the morning itself. Oh my God, I’m screwed.  
\- Cheryl? What’s happening? - Kimberley said, slower this time.  
\- Nothing, it’s just Lilly. I have a photoshoot now. Like, right now but I totally forgot about it. I should be there already… Oh God, Lilly is going to kill me and what about you? What am I going to say to her? Oh my God… -  
\- Cheryl, calm down. Relax babe, she knows we're friends doesn’t she? - Kimberley was now out of bed and standing beside me, passing the tips of her fingers on my arm.  
\- We’re not just friends, she’s going to find out, she is totally gonna realize something is happening… - I was losing my mind completely.  
\- Ok, calm down. You’re not thinking straight, babe. - I put on the first sweatpants I saw and ran out of the bedroom. Kimberley followed me.  
I stopped at the door and looked at her. - Ok, you stay here ok? You can have the keys again but I want it back, it’s the only one I have now. - I handed her the key for the front door and as I was opening the door, she held my arm.  
\- Wait… - She pulled me in and gave a peck on my lips.  
Boundaries crossed. I wasn’t ready to kiss her, was I?  
\- Cheryl what the hell are you doing? Hurry up. - I was so late and had so many things going on my mind that I just smiled at Kimberley and ran out of the house.  
\- Calm down, I’m here. Jeez… -  
\- Calm down? I’m here since 7am. What the hell were you doing that you didn’t heard your phone ring or the door bell or my texts arriving? - We were inside the car now and I was not in the mood for speeches.  
\- I was sleeping ok? Normal people sleep, you know… -  
\- Yeah I know, but normal people also fulfill their responsibilities. And I still don’t understand how you didn’t heard me yelling your name from the top of my lungs. -  
\- I’m a heavy sleeper. -  
\- Since when? -  
\- Since today, ok? God, I’m here already, calm down woman. - Lilly stayed quiet the rest of the way and I kept on thinking about that simple kiss that was anything but simple in my head.  
I missed the taste of her lips so much, the sweet taste mixed with something hot, sexy that I was glad she had done it but I was also confused as to why she did it. We didn't talk all that much about how we are now that she apologized or how we're gonna move foward with whatever it is we have between us so the kiss was a quick step into the mess we hadn't had a chance to even start to clean up yet...  


******

The day couldn’t went by slower than it did but, finally, I was at home. I was at the door looking thru my things to find my keys for about 10 minutes now and then I remembered.  
\- I can’t believe it… -  
I caught my phone and started to write a text message.  


To Kimberley: _Hey, you’re with my keys? I’m at my house but can’t get in. xx_

I was exausted. Starting the day with that big scare wasn’t nice at all and the photoshoot was just ridiculous. Why did I had to use such high heels? I don’t get it. I mean, I do but I don’t or whatever.  


_Hey babe, they’re under the carpet. haha Old style. Btw, how was your day? xxx_

Before texting back, I looked for the keys.  
Once I found them, I openeded the door as soon as I could. I was so tired that my legs were actually hurting. Also, my feet were killing me.  


_Exhausting. Yours? xx_

Coco and Buster were barking like crazy as they usually do when I spend the day out but I didn't have much energy to spend with them so I sat down on the sofa and let them run and make a mess around me and, of course, all over me giving them a pet here and there.  
\- Sorry babies, mommy is too tired to play around... - I could almost hear them saying “you’re always too tired to play with us.” It made me feel guilty. I forgot when was the last time I didn’t came home feeling almost dead.  


******

My room was a mess, like always but I wasn’t going to clean it up now. I just went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I took my clothes off and started showering, trying to keep calm and relax a little bit.  
I closed my eyes and started to remember how my life used to be. It was good, Ashley was a good guy even though he did what he did, I still think he’s a good guy. I remember when Kimberley called me to tell me what was going on, she was so sweet and protective. Her voice was like a melody, has always been and it still is. I love the tone of her voice, it’s so delicate, so heavenly. At least to me. I love her smile as well. Her lips... Her lips taste like paradise, the whole world stops when I taste her lips on mine. The world stopped this morning and I lost myself to her, again. I don’t know how she does that to me but everytime she’s around, everytime she looks at me, everytime we talk I loose myself to her without even realizing it.  
I love her almost too much and I wish she was here with me again. I didn’t told her but I heard her last night when she probably thought I was sleeping and I love her just as much as she loves me. I love her more then I ever loved before. I love her more than I loved Ashley, if that’s possible. I just wish everything was different, I wish she didn’t hurt me like that. It still hurts. I don’t know if it will ever stop hurting if I'm being honest... I don’t know why it hurted so much though. Maybe because out of everyone in the world, she was the last person I expected it would do such a thing. I never thought she would act like she didn’t even knew me, not her, not my Kimba. The girl I always loved, as a friend, as a confident, as a partner, as everything I need.  
I squeezed my eyes and turned off the shower. My mind still going crazy about Kimberley while I dry myself…  
It still hurts but should I act like this? Like I don’t need her anymore or don’t love her anymore… Am I hurting her? Probably... Right?! I shouldn’t though, I shouldn’t hurt the woman I love, not her. I probably should talk about this with her. Tell her that I forgive her completely and that I still love her, that I never stopped loving her... Yeah, I should definitely call her.  
I grabed my phone and saw a text message.  
\- Oh, shit… - I said under my breath.  


_It wasn’t good at all. I wish I had spent the day with you, it would be a lot better. ;)x_

I smiled with her reply and started texting back right away.  


_pWant to spend the night again? xx_

_Sure. Coming. :Dx_

__

__

_Ok, see you soon, beautiful. xx_

My smile was evident. This woman has so much power over me it’s unbelievable. I only had time to dress myself with a white, short nightdress that let the tattoo on my thigh clear to be seen and, as I was with red lengerie, the nightdress became a bit transparent but it was way too confortable to become a problem at this point.  


_I’m here. xxx_

_Ok, just a sec. xxx_

__

__

_You always say that. haha_

I laughed at her reply and opened the door still smiling.  
\- Hm… It’s always nice to be welcomed with that perfect smile - She smiled too.  
I grabed her hand and locked the door behind her.  
\- Why do you always lock the door? -  
\- Because the house is too big for me to hear everything so, if someone wants to come in, they’ll have to knock. - I blink at her and start walking towards the sofa. I sat there, on the same spot as when I came in and watched as Kimberley walked towards me, sitting by my side.  
-You’re so smart. - She said still smiling. My eyes were fixed on her lips. I wanted to kiss her so much I was almost loosing crontol of my actions.  
\- I know. - I said in a low tone, not even realizing what I was agreeing with.  
\- Chez, stop… Cheryl! - She took my face in one of her hands an made me look straight at her eyes.  
\- What? -  
\- Stop staring at my lips, it’s too tempting. -  
\- What’s stoping you? - I murmured.  
\- I thought you weren’t ready… -  
\- Just kiss me Kimberley. -  
And so she did. Our lips met once more after such a long time, bringing back our good memories, the taste of her lips that didn’t change at all, everything felt natural. It didn’t seam like 3 years had gone by at all, it seamed like it was 3 minutes, not even that.  
Our mouths fit together perfectly, like it were made for one another. The kiss was passionate, intense, almost too much to bear. Our tongues seamed to be fighting a battle and, at the same time, dancing in sync.  
My heart was beating fast, my hands were sweating, I was feeling what love is again.  
My hands were squeezing her thighs. I moved them till her waist and pulled her closer. Her hands were on my face, stroking it so delicately I almost couldn’t feel a thing.  
She bit my lips and the kiss ended with baby kisses as we shared a smile.  
\- I missed that. - She said in an undertone.  
\- Me too. - I gave a peck on her lips and looked at her, still smiling. - I love you. You know that, right?! -  
Her expression lighted up and she smiled. The most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.  
\- I love you too. Almost too much to put into words. - She replied.  
\- I know and that’s the reason why I forgive you. For everything. - I took a deep breath.  
\- You sure? - She said in hushed tones.  
\- Of course I am. I wouldn’t say I forgive you if I wasn’t sure, pet. -  
\- Well, I don’t forgive myself... - _Wait, what?_.  



	5. Chapter 5

Cheryl’s POV.

  


Hear her saying that broke my heart. I had no idea she felt so guilty and no clue of how to help her see the real Kimberley, the Kim I realized I could still see in her. The one that makes mistakes but feels genuinely sorry about it and never does the same thing again.  
\- Why? Why you don’t forgive yourself Kimba? -  
She smiled when she realized I called her Kimba and that made me smile too.  
\- Because I broke your heart once. -  
\- Yes... But you also mended it. - I pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and ran my fingers along her jaw as I spoke. - You made me feel like shit but now you make me happy again. - I was smiling, trying to make her smile with me so I could see my beautiful Kim being the happy, bubbly person she has always been. - Everyone makes mistakes, it's a part of who all of us are as humans and you know that babe. -  
\- I know, I know… - She looked me in the eye. - But I love you so much Cheryl that everytime I remember what I did I feel like the worst person alive. It makes me hate myself and it has been like that for the past three years. - A tear ran down her face and I could feel my own eyes beginning to tear up with her confession.  
\- Kim, I love you. I really love you. I can not imagine what my life would be without you, babe. I want you to know that no matter what, I’ll always love you. You make me feel happy, you have been the reason for my happiness for longer than I can remeber... What happened three years ago stays where it belongs, in the past. What really matters is what happens right now and right now, I couldn’t be happier and you’re the reason for it just as you had always been before. For me, that's it. Happiness is possible for me when I'm with you. Only you. -  
\- Really? Am I really the reason for your happiness? Even after what I’ve done to you? - Our eyes were fixed and I couldn’t help but smile.  
\- Yes, babe. You’re my smile and I’ve been through worse, you know that. -  
She grabbed my hand and smiled, still looking right at me.  
\- I know babe, you’re so strong I can't even understand how that's possible coming from such a small person with small little tinny hands... -  
\- Okay now... Enough with how small my hands are! Can we be fine now? Can we move on from the past that hunts us? -  
\- I guess so… I hope! I’ll never hurt you again Chezz, I promise you that. -  
I leaned in for a tight hug, closing my eyes as our bodies meet.  
\- I know you won’t, I know babe. -  
\- I love you so much it’s unreal. - She softly kissed my shoulder.  
\- I love you too, pet. - We parted from the hug and shared a smile. - Should we go to sleep now? I’m _really_ tired. -  
\- Of course. - She agreed, still smiling like a little kid.  
We went to the room holding hands and giggling at each other, talking nosense.  
Kimberley grabbed the same big sized shirt she slept in last night and put it over her head, letting the shirt make it’s way down her body.  
\- You look hot. - I said, already lying down onto my bed.  
\- You look hotter. - She replied while joining me.  
I smiled at her and with one of my hands, I pulled her closer to me.  
We kissed softly and with a last goodnight kiss, she said. - Sleep well, my love. -  
\- You too babe, I love you. -  
\- I love you too. -  
We fell asleep with our bodies glued. I could hear the sound of her heartbeat and couldn’t ask for a better lullaby.  


******

I woke up feeling soft kisses on my collarbones. Slowly openning my eyes to see Kimberley smiling at me.  
\- Good morning, sleeping beauty. -  
I smiled back at her and squeezed my eyes. - Good morning love, what time is it? -  
She gave me a peck on the lips and, with our lips still pressing against each other, she muttered. - Around 7. -  
I stretched my body under hers. - Argh, it’s way too early, what you doing awake? - I said smiling at her.  
\- My phone rang. - She got up from the bed and before I could ask who it was and said; - Want some breakfast? -  
\- Sure babe, I’ll be down in a sec. - She smiled and made her way to the kitchen downstairs.  
I soon forgot about the phone call she recieved and got up from my bed.  
If it was important, she would tell me.  
I put a sweatshirt on top of the nightdress I had slept on and went downstairs to meet Kimberley. She wasn’t in the kitchen but the table was set. I got a bit confused but sat there anyways. I was drinking tea when I felt her hands meet my waist.  
\- Hey, finally. I thought you had slept again. - She giggled and sat beside me.  
\- No babe, I’m just lazy. - I giggled with her. - Where were you? -  
\- On the phone… How’s the breakfast? - She was now looking into her cup of tea.  
\- Delicious. - I looked at her smiling. - Who were you talking to? It’s way too early to work Kim. -  
\- It wasn’t work babe, I was just chatting with a friend of mine. -  
\- Good. - I giggled again and she did the same.  


******

The day went by very quickly. It was 7pm already, Kimberley and I were sat on the sofa, cuddling each other.  
\- I wish our days were like this forever. All of them. - She said.  
\- Me too babe. It feels so good to spend the day with you and not worry about the world outside this house. - I felt her kiss my forhead and smiled.  
\- I know, it would be awesome babe but, unfortunately, we have a lot to do tomorrow. -  
\- Oh, don’t even remind me of that. This comeback is killing me. -  
\- I can imagine babe, you were on tour just weeks ago. Aren’t you sick of stages already? -  
\- Never. - I looked at her to see her smiling at me and I smiled too. - Why? Are you? -  
\- No, not really. - We laughed and I returned to lie my head on her chest.  
We were silent for a couple of minutes and it felt good. We didn’t need to say anything. Just the sound of us breathing was enough. I felt the world stop, like there’s was nothing else but us. It felt good to be like this, to be able to feel like we were never apart.  
Everything inside me felt good again. I was happy and that was what really mattered. I could feel that our relationship was back to normal again. We were never this close though, like, we’ve always been close friends but now we were girlfriends and that was new. She didn’t really ask me to be her girlfriend and neither did I but there was no need to ask, we were together as it should have always been. I’m hers and she’s mine, it's pretty simple. No other feeling was better than this, nothing is better than having the woman I love beside me.  


******

I opened my eyes slowly and looked at my watch. It marked 10 o'clock.  
\- Jeez. - I said in a low tune.  
Kimberley slowly opened her eyes and looked at me. - What? -  
\- Nothing babe, go back to sleep. - I gave a peck on her lips.  
\- What time is it Chez? - Her voice was still sleepy.  
\- 10 o'clock babe. -  
\- Shit. It’s late… - She sat up on the sofa and I did the same, sitting in front of her.  
\- I know, I didn’t see the time pass… Totally your fault. -  
She made a surprised expression. - Mine? What did I do? - We giggled and I pulled her body closer to mine.  
\- Time stops when I’m with you. -  
I kissed her softly, letting our mouths fit together.  
After a few seconds, the kiss became intense, deep. Our tongues meeting in a glorious way.  
I could feel my body starting to heat up and little goosebumps were running all over my skin.  
Kimberley’s nails were digging into my waist, her touch was firm, strong. I liked that, I really did.  
Our bodies met. Me on top, our lips never apart, our tongues dancing together. My heavy breathing, her heart racing.  
One of my hands was being used as support for my body and the other was on one of Kimberley’s thighs. I could feel her heavy breathing into my mouth, almost like she wanted to follow me into the bliss of losing control... I stopped the kiss and my lips met her neck. 

She squirmed, I smiled, I bit her.  
I passed my fingers upon the fabric of her underwear, she moaned in a whisper. My body already hot, in desperate need to please her.  
\- Cheryl, please babe… - She muttered.  
I could feel how much she wanted it, but I wasn’t going to give it to her that easily.  
\- What? What do you want? -  
I said while kissing her neck, my lips pressed on her bare skin.  
\- You. - Soft, but breathless.  
My hand that was on her underwear went up to her big sized shirt, taking it off as quickly as possible and then, I took off her bra and threw it to the floor.  
My lips went straight to her breasts, sucking both of them, one at a time with circular movements and random, light bites. My teeth barely leaving a mark.  
She started to moan quietly what turned me on even more. My teeth meet one of her nipples and, with my tongue, I started to make little circles around it.  
Her breath was already heavy and her moans made me want to please her even more.  
One of my hands grabbed one of her breasts, massaging it hard. The other went to her thigh where I let little red scratches.  
My lips started to go down her body slowly, letting little bites in the way.  
I took her underwear off. My lips went down till one of her thighs where I kissed her softly, making my way till where she needed me the most.  
With the tip of my tongue, I licked her clit. She moaned louder, I used my tongue fully licking her with desire.  
Soon after, I introduced one of my fingers on her.  
\- Omg… Chezz… Aaaah. -  
I put one more finger on her centre and started to move a bit faster.  
My other hand was still in her breast, tightening it.  
She moans my name, contracts her body, squeezes the leather sofa.  
My movements on her centre are intense, fast, strong and I’m licking her clit while pleasing her.  
She raises her back from the sofa, moans loud, and grabs my hair. She pulls it causing me pain, which I like.  
I move my tongue away from her clit and raise my body upon hers. My hand that was on her breast lays down onto the sofa. I kiss her with passion. Our tongues collide, our mouths fit.  
The kiss soon ends due to the fact our breaths are heavy.  
I put my chin on her shoulder, breathing against her skin. I close my eyes and enjoy the only sound I can hear in complete darkness, her moans.  
\- Oooh baby… Yess, like that. Aaaargh, yeah babe. -  
She kisses my shoulder softly, causing me goosebumps.  
Soon after, she started to move her hips against my movements on her centre. I put more speed on them trying to please her in the best way I could, after all, this was the first time I took control over her, soon her movements gained speed too and our bodies danced in sync.  
Our bodies sweaty, pressing against one another giving me pleasure.  
Her body contracted, she moaned one last time and I felt her jouissance on my fingers.  
Slowly, I removed them from her centre. I lifted my head and looked at her.  
She was smiling, closed eyes, trying to breathe normaly. I gave her a peck on the lips and smiled as well.  
She soon looked at me, still smiling. - Omg, you’re the best. -  
I giggled and hided my face on her neck. - You’re making me bluuuuuush. Stop it. -  
She giggled with me and kissed my shoulder again.  
We tried to catch our breaths, laying there, silently.


	6. Chapter 6

CHERYL’S POV.  
We were awake for about 2 hours now. Had taken a shower together, eat breakfast, watched tv. We were glued.   
I felt good. We were sharing so many good moments, so many smiles in just a couple of hours.   
I don’t know how she could make me so happy. I was happy before, but it was different. With her, no words were need, we understood each other, we communicated just by looking at one another.   
I was now sitting on her lap, laughing with her.   
\- I’m serious, she’s super weird. -   
\- You can’t be serious. Lisa Riley is super cool. -   
\- I didn’t said she isn’t. She’s both. -   
We continued laughing and soon I heard my phone ring again.  
\- I’ll go answer it before it explodes. -   
\- Ok babe. - She said, still laughing. I got up from her lap and started walking towards the couch where I had left my phone this morning, when we woke up.  
It was Lily.  
\- Hey Lils, what’s up babe? -   
\- Thank God, I tought you had died or something. - We giggled.  
\- Oh, come on. It’s early for work. -  
\- It. Is. Not Cheryl. It’s 10am. -  
\- Exactly, too early. -   
\- You’re just lazy. - She laughed and then, continued. - You have the press conference today, with your new, but still old, band. -   
\- You make me feel like an old lady. - I said in a serious tone.   
\- You are! - She laughed out loud and I couldn’t help but laugh too.   
\- I am not. How abusive of you… I should find a new PA, you’re not making me feel like a diva like you did in your first two months in the job. -   
\- I needed to make sure you’d like me but now you already do. -   
\- Oh babe, who’s lieing to you? - I said in a tone of lamentation.  
\- Omg, you don’t like me? What have I done to you? Why? Where’s the love? - She sounded like a crying child.   
\- No, babe. Stop, don’t cry. You know I love you, I do. I was just kidding, I love you very, very much. - I was talking so fast that it was hard to breathe.   
\- Oh God, you scared me. Phew. - We laughed again. Our friendship is crazy, it always has been.   
\- Aw, poor you. - I said still laughing.   
\- Ok, drop it. You’re distracting me from doing my job. What a bad, bad boss… - She sounded serious.   
\- I might be a bad boss but I’m still the one who pays you… -  
\- Whatever. Returning to the main subject, you have a press conference with your bandmates in three hours. Do. Not. Forget. -   
\- Ok, I won’t. -   
\- I’m being serious Cheryl. If you forget I’ll resign from this job. -  
\- You’ll never resign, you love me too much. -   
\- Yeah, keep on thinking like that… -   
\- You are so sweet. You know that, right? -   
\- I know, I’m awesome. -  
\- Sure… - Sarcasm warning.   
\- Anyways… I have to hang up, your job calls me. -   
\- My job? Are you going to perform in my place? I always knew that’s what you wanted… -   
\- Shut up. I have to schedule your whole life now, like I always do. - She sounded bored and I just ignored her.   
\- Ok, gardian angel. -  
\- Aw, love ya. Bye babe. -   
\- Love you too, bye. -   
I hang up the phone and went back to the kitchen, where I had left Kimberley waiting for me. She was by the window, talking on the phone too.   
I sat at the table and started to mess with my nails. For high, I could hear Kimberley’s voice. It seemed like she didn’t saw me enter the kitchen, so I stayed quiet, not wanting to disturb her.   
\- Yeah, I know. I miss you too. - I looked at her, her back turned at me.   
\- It’s hard, but I’ll be back soon baby. I promise. I just need to stay around till the show ends and the dates I have to perform with the girls. It won’t take long. - Brief silence, the person she was talking to was probably speaking but I couldn’t hear a thing.  
\- Ok then, I love you too. Bye babe. - She hang up but didn’t move. I took a deep breath.  
\- Hey. - She turned her head to look in my direction.   
\- Hey. How long have you been there? - She started walking towards me.  
\- Not long. - I could see some kind of relief on her face. - Who were you talking to? -   
\- No one, just a friend. - She sat beside me.   
\- Wow, how much love for just a friend, han? - I couldn’t help the words from forming.  
\- Jealous much? - She giggled, but my face didn’t move a fraction.   
\- No. - Of course I was jealous. Who wouldn’t be? I mean, I say ‘I love you’ to a lot of people, but I don’t explain myself to them. I don’t say that I’ll back soon so they don’t need to miss me too much. Her conversation seemed to be the one you have with your boyfriend and I couldn’t be more jealous than I already was.   
\- Don’t lie. I can see it in your face. - She sounded serious.   
\- I’m not, I just asked. Jesus, Kimberley. - I got up from where I was sat and walked out of the kitchen, going to the living room. She followed me.   
\- Are you serious? You’re really jealous? God, It was just a friend. -   
\- I’m not, stop saying that. - I almost screamed.   
\- My God Cheryl, you’re unbelievable. - She said while walking towards the stairs.   
\- I just asked who it was. You’re the one who’s making a big deal of it. - I turned to look at her and she stopped to look at me as well.   
\- You were almost screaming at me. - She threw her arms at the air.   
\- Cause you were annoying me. - I crossed my arms.  
\- Oh, now I’m annoying? Great. - She continued to climb the stairs, turning her back at me.   
\- I didn’t said that. - In the top of the stairs, she looked at me again.   
\- Whatever, keep on being like that. -   
\- Like what? -   
\- Annoyed. - She walked towards my bredroom and shut the door behind her.   
What the hell just happened?!  
******  
A few hours passed. Kimberley locked in my bedroom and me, I was just sat on the stairs. My elbows supported on my knees, my chin on my hands.   
Confusion, insecurity, anger. All together, messed up inside of my head. That phone call was more than just friedns talking, I knew it and if it really was just a friend, why she reacted like that? She got nervous out of nowhere.  
I heard the door opening, her footsteps.   
She passed by me like I wasn’t even there. She was wearing a cute skirt, with a short top so her abs were free to be seen. Her outfit looked incredible, snake print and black where it seemed to be a bra and black heels.  
\- Why are you dressed like that? - My voice was weak, I was crying just seconds before.  
\- Press conference. - Short and bitter.   
I got up from where I was sat and rushed into the room.   
Under my breath, I started to swear. - For f*cks sake, why didn’t she remembered me of this damn press conference? Shit, I’ll be late, Lily is going to kill me. - I entered the bathroom and turned on the shower.   
I hadn’t much time so the shower was short, I ran out of the bathroom, dried myself and walked towards my closet.   
I put a black, simple regatta, leather alike pants, also black. A blue jacket and black heels. I was running against time so I just dried my hair and left it natural. Simple makeup, smudged eyes like always, an slightly pink lipstick.   
I ran out of my bedroom almost stumbling in my own feet. Ran down the stairs, grabbed my phone and keys.   
Almost immediately, my phone rang.  
\- Hello?! - I answered with out looking who it was.  
\- Hey there gorgeous. - A familiar voice but totally unexpected.   
\- Hey you. What a nice surprise hearing from you again. - I smiled.   
\- Aw, you’re too cute Cheryl. Your accent is adorable as well. -   
\- Aw, thanks babe. - I started to blush and didn’t know what else to say.  
\- Sure princess. Anyways, I was just wondering… I’m going to be in London any time soon and I missed talking to you. It’s been way too long since the last time I saw you so, I tought we could go out to chat. What do you think? -   
\- That’s awesome, I can’t wait to see you pet. - I said, smiling from ear to ear. Kimberley now looked at me, as serious as death.   
\- Ok then sweetie, see you soon. I’ll text you when I arrive okay? -  
\- Ok babe. - My smile faded when I looked at Kimberley, her eyes almost eating me alive.   
\- Ok then, bye bye hottie. - I couldn’t help but giggle.   
\- Bye pet. - I hang up the phone and squeezed it inside my jacket’s pocket.   
I looked at Kimberley again, she was with the same look in her eyes.   
\- What? - I said.  
\- Who were you talking to? -   
\- No one, just a friend. - Pay back.   
Kimberley got up from where she was sat and almost ran towards me.  
\- Name. - Demanding.  
\- Who do you think you are? My mom? - I tried to walk away from her, but she grabbed my arm strongly making me stay right where I was.   
\- I’m your girlfriend and I wanna know who was making you smile like that. - Her voice was loud, authoritarian.  
\- Well, I’m your girlfriend as well and you didn’t tell me who you were talking to earlier. Why should I tell you if you don’t tell me? - I pushed her away what made her let go of my arm and walked away as fast as I could, but soon felt one of her hands on my arm again.  
She pulled me tightly, and so I turned to her, her other hand against my waist.  
In one swift movement, she pushed me against the wall.  
The cold wall heat against my hot skin.  
Her hands went up to my wrists, which she held to the sides of my body.  
\- Get of off me - I screamed while trying to release me.  
\- Who was that? - She also screamed.  
\- My God, it was just a friend. Get away from me. - At this point, I had lost control over the tone of my voice and every time I said something, I screamed.  
\- Tell me already. - I could see that she felt nervous, anger in her eyes.  
\- You’re crazy. -  
\- Shut up. -  
\- No, get of off me. - For a moment, I was afraid of her. The anger was clear, showed up at her whole body.  
\- Let’s see if you won’t shut … - She collided her lips to mine and, along with them, I felt the weight of her body against my own.  
Our tongues drew a invincible battle. Her hands went straight to my waist where she held me tightly. My hands on her shoulders, pushing her. The force of her body against mine leaving me stuck to it. Soon, one of her hands went up till my hair which she pulled causing my head to tilt.  
My lower lip between her teeth, stuck, aching due to the bite she gave in it.  
I pulled it up to loosen up, which caused me even more pain.  
I looked at her with anger. Such anger I could barely control.  
I pushed her away causing her to stumble backwards. I went towards her, pushed her body until it stopped by the sofa where she touched her legs. I sat her on the back of it, my hands on her thighs.  
Pleasure and desire in a uncontrollable mixture when added to rage.  
KNOCK KNOCK  
\- Chez, babe. It’s me. - Lily’s voice.  
\- Shit. - Kimberley said already getting up from the back of the couch.  
\- What is she doing here? -   
\- How should I know? - I ran my hands thru my hair, adjusting it.   
\- She’s your PA. - Irony flying out of her mouth.  
\- So what? She’s also Lily, my friend who always comes to visit me. - When I looked down at myself, I remembered. - Press conference… That’s why she’s here, we have a press conference today. - I looked at my phone’s screen. - Actually, we have a press conference right now. -   
Kimberley just rolled her eyes. - I totally forgot about that. -   
\- Yeah, me too. - I said while walking towards the door. I oppened it to see a grumpy PA.   
\- Hi love, I was just about to call you. -   
\- Of course you were. - Was it the day of Irony? - You ready? -   
\- Yeah babe, I am. - Kimberley walked towards us to join in the conversation.  
\- Oh, hey Kimberley. I didn’t know you’d be here. - Lily smiled.  
\- Just stopped by. - I could see she was still angry at me.   
\- Cool, you ready too? We can all go together. -   
\- Yes. Let’s get going then, we’re already late. -   
\- We always are. - Lily replied, looking straight at me.   
\- That’s not true. - I said while locking the door once we were all out of the house.   
******  
We were all waiting for our names to be called. Before walking into the room where the press conference would happen, I asked Nicola to change places with me. I didn’t want to sit next to Kimberley, we both were way too angry with each other to risk sitting side by side.  
The conference went well. I loved the bit where we saw the fans, we all did.  
I was already outside, waiting for Kimberley. After a few seconds, she passed by me.  
\- Hey. - I said out loud.  
She looked at me and stayed in silence, waiting for me to say something.  
\- Where you going? - I walked towards her. It was cold, way too cold.  
\- Home. -   
\- Alone? - I wasn’t understanding her. We came together, how she would go home alone?   
\- Yes, Cheryl. I’m going to my house, not yours. -   
\- What? Why? - I felt empty. I didn’t tought she was so angry that she didn’t want to stay the night with me as much as I wanted to spend it with her.  
\- I need some time to think. - A cab stopped beside us.   
\- Think about what? It was just a silly fight Kimberley, it happens. - I could feel water invading my eyes.  
\- I know but it made think and… I don’t know. I’m sorry Cheryl, I need to go. -   
\- Don’t leave me, please… Kim, don’t. -   
\- Bye Cheryl. -   
I watched the cab till it disappeared into the darkness of the night.  
Cold wind against my skin, freezing my body, my breath, my heart.  
And there I was, hearing someone call my name. Probably Lily, waiting for me beside the car but I couldn’t move. Shocked, feeling cold, alone again.


	7. Chapter 7

Cheryl’s POV.  
-  
Three days, seventy two hours, four thousand three hundred and twenty minutes.  
No calls, no text messages, not a word.  
Lonely, miserable, missing her.  
I couldn’t understand how this happened or why. In the morning, everything was perfect. We were laughing, talking and then, at the end of the day, she was gone.  
She didn’t said why or if she would came back. I was lost.  
I couldn’t cry anymore, it seemed like I was dry inside. I had no tears left.  
She could had said something. She could have explained herself, she could have done so much to avoid this mess. But no, she just redid what she promised not to do again.   
But life doesn’t stop just because your heart did. It keeps going and I had agreed to see Katy today. We’ve been talking about meeting in some coffee shop to chat.   
I was lost inside of my own head, trying to find some sort of comfort.  
\- Miss, we’re here… Miss? -   
\- Yeah?! -   
\- We’re at the coffee shop. -   
\- Oh, ok… -   
The driver was already waiting for me to get out of the car, so I did.  
\- Thank you. - I tried my best to smile, but I don’t think it worked cuz the driver just turned around and started walking towards the driver’s door.   
Great. Paparazzi.  
I was trying to get into the coffee shop as fast as I could, but a guy started to put himself in front of me…  
\- Excuse me… -   
\- What happened between you and Kimberley, Cheryl? Hãn? Why you guys are not seen together anymore? Did you guys argued? You’re not friends anymore? -   
\- Move!!! -   
I usually stay as quiet as possible in front of this dickheads, but… They get in my nerves. Never liked them, never will.  
Once I was inside of the coffee shop, I relaxed a bit. At least they can’t come in.  
I soon saw Katy sitting in the back of the shop, in a small table. I walked towards her.  
\- Hey. - I said quietly.  
\- Hey you!!! - Not as quiet.   
She jumped from her seat and threw her arms around me, hugging me tight.  
\- How are you? - She asked while giving me a kiss on the cheeck.  
\- Fine, you? -   
\- I’m great babe. Come on, have a seat. - She said. That unique smile never leaving her lips.   
I did as I was told and smiled back at her.  
\- So, how’s everything? Liking the weather? - We laughed and she just shook her head.  
\- No. I like sunny days and here it just rains all the time. I don’t know how you cope with it. -   
\- I was born in UK, I’m used to it. Besides, whenever I try to travel and see the sun, I end up bringing London’s weather with me, so… - And we laughed once more.  
A few hours passed and I had forgot my own name. Katy’s mood was great so I just adjusted myself into it.  
We were walking down the street now. Not an ideia that I liked, but anyways… Here we were, surrounded by paparazzi. A million lights in front of our eyes.  
\- Hold my hand, I’m blind. - She muttered into my ear and I did what she asked. I was also blind by the flashes, so… Why not?  
A million questions being shout at us. Not a single fuck was given.  
Sooner than I expected, we were standing in front of my house.   
I looked at the paparazzi. All gone! It seems like the warning was worth it. Since I got it in court, not a single paparazzi has stood in front of my house how they used to.  
We walked towards the door and, as soon as I opened it, Katy passed by me entering the location. Her hand still holding mine as I entered after her.   
I locked the door and made my way to the living room.  
\- Have a seat. - I said as I seated myself on the couch. She soon joined me.  
\- Do you want something to drink? -   
\- Nope. Thanks. - She said, smiling at me.  
A few minutes passed by. Silence surrounded us.  
It was weird, Katy was loud and since I’ve met her I can’t remember silent moments like this one. Maybe is just because it’s been a while since we last spoke. Maybe our friendship is a bit cold right now.   
I’m brought back to reality without getting to a conclusion when I hear her voice.  
\- Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? - Her tune was soft like never before. She’s sweet and all but I’ve had never heard her talk like this and, of course, I was a bit shocked.   
\- What do you mean? - She rolled her eyes and smiled softly as if it was obvious.  
Ok. Now I’m confused. Am I that terrible when it comes to hide feelings? Because I thought I was doing a pretty good job at it.   
She held one of my hands making me look at her. I was trying not to make eye contact for obvious reasons but she squeezed my hand gaining my attention. I try my best to make the smile that is glued to my lips seem truthful.  
\- Come on Chez… Your lips may be smiling but, even with no tears, your eyes are crying. - Who was I trying to fool? Everyone that I’ve ever met said that I use my heart at my sleeve.   
\- Is it that obvious? - I ask with a weak smile that fades away immediately.  
\- Yes babe, it is. - She gave my hand a gentle squeeze before breathing deep and carrying on. - It’s heartbreaking to see these beautiful eyes so sad and I know we’re not the heart to heart kind of friends but hey, we’re still friends and that’s what friends are for. - She smiled a tiny smile and I gave her one in return.   
\- Aye, I know pet. - She squeezed my hand one more time and looked at me dead in the eye.   
\- Then tell me what’s going on. Tell me what’s upsetting you so much. -   
I took a deep breath, looked at her then my eyes moved to my lap, not wanting to let the pain inside my chest be seen any more than it already has. I felt my heart accelerating inside my chest as if trying to run from all the pain but it was too late.  
Tears rolled down my face freely as I started to tell Katy about Kimberley and me.  
Katy kept her eyes on me as if I was about to run and she was ready to catch me. Her gaze changed in some parts of the story, going from a tiny smile to teary eyes.  
I just kept on talking. I kept going, fast. Maybe too fast as I saw a bit of confusion on her face at some points.   
My mouth started to get dry but I couldn’t care less. I needed to tell someone, anyone. I needed to put it into words hoping that it would release at least a bit of the killing pain I was feeling.   
I took one last breath before saying the worst phrase I could ever say in a life time.  
\- I don’t think she will come back. -   
Silence, once again. I heard Katy sobbing silently and looked at her.   
\- Oh, Katy… I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to upset you. I’m sor… -  
\- Shh, come here. - As she cut me off by saying this, she wrapped me in her arms for dear life and I couldn’t help but join her as she cried. The sounds of our sobs mixed together.  
She stopped crying first and just held me tight while I cried my heart out on her left shoulder.   
As I contained myself and brought my head up, she smiled a weak smile and held my hand again.  
\- I don’t know what to say. - She confessed a bit down with herself.  
\- It’s okay, at least you heard it all. It helped already. Thank you Katy. -   
\- There’s no need to thank me Chez, I’m here for you and I will always hear you ok?! You’re not alone anymore. - And again, she squeezed my hand a tiny bit.   
\- Thanks, it means a lot. - My voice was weak, low, shaky. It has been in the last three days and it seems like Katy was the only one that noticed it.   
By the time we got through the whole disaster was already late and Katy had to go back to her hotel since Shannon wouldn’t stop calling and screaming at her down the phone.   
These two are crazy, that’s for sure.   
******  
It was 11 in the evening now, Katy had left two hour ago and I hadn’t moved from the sofa till now.   
I had to take a shower and try to relax even tho I knew I wouldn’t be able to do so, I don’t even remember the last time I relaxed a little and just breathed, without worrying about anything.  
It took me over one hour to take the damn shower and it wasn’t relaxing at all.   
It was stressful. Every single time I tried to take my mind off of her, there I was, thinking about her again.   
Thinking about how perfect her hair is, how it shines under the sun and how adorable she looks when it’s all messy and cute. Her perfect smile that washes me like a flood. A flood of love that could make me forget my own name and her touch, oh man, her touch…  
\- What the hell is wrong with me? She’s gone, she left me, again. - I said loudly, wanting to slap myself on the face and trying to hate her for what she has done but I can’t, I can’t hate her. I love her far too much to do that.  
By the time I got changed and into bed I curled myself into a ball and tried to let sleep wash over me but it clearly didn’t work as I stayed another two and a half hours thinking about why. Why she did this again? Why she apologized if she was going to do it again? Why she said that she loved me when she clearly didn’t? Just… Why?  
And I cried myself to sleep like I had done in the past three days. Like I had done three years ago, when she broke my heart for the first time.


	8. Chapter 8

Cheryl’s POV  
I woke up the next morning feeling like shit. It seemed like a truck had passed over me.   
It took me half an hour to get out of bed, down the stairs and into the kitchen.   
I was now making my every day breakfast: coffee.  
After that was done, I took a mug and walked to the balcony on the second floor of my house. I used to love the balcony in my bedroom but that one had too many memories. Too much of her. So, for the past four days, I was trying to escape from her at any cost.   
I knew, deep down, that I couldn’t but I tried anyways. It was like my heart knew but my brain was trying to fight against it.   
I was now sitting on the huge chair on the balcony, on the guest room.  
My silk hobby loose against the wind, flying everywhere, my nightdress tight on my body - she used to say that she loved my body inside of it -, my hair down, curling more and more due to the wind, my legs agains my chest, my chin supported on my knees, the mug in one hand, a cigarette between my fingers on the other. My eyes lost somewhere that even I didn’t knew where.   
My mind… Well, where do you think my mind was? Not her, but us.   
I was so freaking tired of trying to figure out why she left and never came back, why she did it again, why she seemed to love me when she didn’t, how she did it, how she could possibly do it. So, instead of torturing myself with the same questions over and over again, I decided to change the torture just a little bit by thinking about how we used to be, on the good old days.  
Flashback  
The room was too white, the light was too bright, the air was heavy, my right arm hurted, my hands, my legs… Everything hurted.   
I blinked once, my eyes watered, I blinked twice and, slowly, I oppened my eyes to see the most beautiful figure beside me. She was fast asleep, all curled up in a plastic chair. Her long hair falling loosely on her shoulders, her eyes looking tired as never before, dark circles around her eyes but still, she was breathtaking beautiful.   
I smiled to myself, my eyes never leaving her figure. Perfect figure that was.   
\- Good morning Cheryl, how are you feeling today? - The doctor, ok. But where did he came from? I didn’t even saw him coming.  
\- Err… The same, I think. - My voice was weak and the bad news is, I was already used to it.   
\- Ok, we are going to run some more tests this afternoon. We need to do some blood tests since your friend Derek told us that you had a trip not long ago. -   
\- Oh, okay. - He smiled and walked off.  
I looked at her once more to find her eyes open, a concerned gaze on her face.  
\- Hey. - She whispered.  
\- Hi. - Once again, I smiled and so did she.   
\- How did you slept? - She ran one of her hands through my hair slowly, so delicate I could barely feel it.  
\- Better than you, that’s for sure. - She just smiled like it were nothing, like she didn’t cared. - You should had gone home like I told you to last night. I would still be here, you know… -   
\- Shh. - One of her fingers touched my lips seeking for silence. - I would never leave you alone, I told you last night too. I don’t care, I would had slept on the floor if I needed to. - Her finger that was upon my lips had run to my cheek where her hand stroked the same. We shared a smile and silence fell upon us.  
Our eyes locked, fixed on one another.   
\- Thank you. - I murmured.   
\- Always. - She murmured back.   
My hand somehow, found hers. I brought it till my lips and kissed it softly. She smiled again.  
That smile that somehow gave me strenght. I was weak, but that smile was what was keeping me alive, breathing, fighting for what was worth having.   
My life was worth it due to that perfect smile.  
I remember feeling better when she was there with me. It seemed like all the pain would go away, my body floating, my heart beating faster, stronger…  
Yes, I thought I was going to die, the doctor told me that and yes, it was mental. I just accepted it, started making the arrangements, I didn’t thought it thru but everytime my eyes met her figure my heart hurted. She looked so fragile and lost. I wanted to walk towards her and hold her in my arms for dear life but I could barely move. It broke my heart leaving it to stop beating in peaces. But besides that, I was ready, I thought.  
Well, 48 hours later I saw that I thought wrong.  
The doctor told me I was getting a lot better and had high chances of surviving and, in that tiny room, everyone breathed lighter except for her. She started crying again, sobbing like it was the last time she would cry in her life so she needed to sob as hard as she possibly could.   
Everyone looked at her in shock, I was shocked. I couldn’t undertand why she was crying so much untill she run towards me and threw herself upon me on the hospital bed. Her arms wrapped me so tight it was hard to breath but I wasn’t complaining.  
\- Oh my God. Thank God Cheryl, I thought I was goind to loose you forever. I can’t loose you… What was I suppose to do without you? I love you too much to loose you, thank God… - These words brought tears to my eyes for the first time after the news.   
My heart beated happier, lighter and I wrapped her in my arms as well. Never letting her go. We slept together that night. The doctors and nurses seemed quite angry at us, but who, in the world, would have time to worry about them when she was there, upon me, in my arms, sleeping like an angel?!  
End of Flashback.  
And now, I couldn’t help but wonder: Where’s that woman? Because this Kimberley that is constantly breaking my heart is not the one I met neither the one that didn’t left my side on a hospital bed for days.  
******  
BUZZ BUZZ  
\- Hey Katy - I had just arrived at the location where rehearsals would take place. Sunglasses still on, a messy ponytail and no enthusiasm whatsoever towards the day ahead.  
\- Hi there, how are you? -   
\- The same as yesterday, you? - I was now walking down the hall that leaded to the rehearsals room.   
\- Aw, poor thing. I’m good, yea, thanks… Anyways, do you have plans for tonight? -   
\- Aye, sleep. - Katy laughed like a lunatic, as if there was no chance I was being serious. - What?! The rehearsals started, both of them, solo and with the girls. I’m sure I’ll be dead by the time night comes. -   
\- Don’t be silly, I have plans for us tonight. I’m in a mission. - Her voice was serious and I couldn’t be more curious about what she planned on doing.   
\- A mission? May I know why am I included in your mission? - I was just outside the door where the girls where waiting for my arrival so we could start this whole hell so called rehearsal with my best friends and ex best friend almost girlfriend.  
\- You are the mission, sweetheart. - I coudn’t help myself, the laugh just came and took over me. Louder than it was necessary.  
\- What are you laughing at? I’m serious. -  
\- Aye, sure you are. - I looked down at my watch to see I was already late and if there was a thing Bete hated was me being late. I have no idea of how she’s not used to it yet but she’s not and she gets really pissed when she has to hold something back just because someone decided that rehearsing is not important, as she says herself.   
\- I sure am. Be ready at 9pm, I’ll pick you up. -   
\- Whatever, I’m really late, Bete is gonna kill me so I have to go. - I said while opening the door and stepping in the room.   
\- Alright, just be ready or you’ll go with wathever clothes you’ll be wearing. -   
\- Where are we going anyways? - I could sense the girls looking at me and there was no one that looked more pissed than Bete.   
\- Surprise, surprise… -   
\- Right, should I go naked then? -   
\- Wow well, that wouldn’t be a bad thing, would it? -   
\- Shut up. I have to go now but we’re not done with this mysterious night out, okay? -  
\- Alright woman, try to play cool around that one okay? - It was clear on Katy’s voice that she was no longer a fan of Kimberley. It kinda bothered me a bit. Okay, I may not be a big fan of her also, but I was the only one allowed not to be and when others talked badly about her, I’d get pissed. I just ignored it, there was no chance in the world that I would defend her in front of her.  
\- Will do. -   
I turned off my phone and turned around, facing the other girls in the room.  
\- What? You guys have never seen me before? -   
\- Shut up and come here, I missed you. - Nicola, as sweet as she has ever been or even more, if that’s possible. I walked over to her and hugged her tight giving her a kiss on the cheeck.  
\- I’ve missed you too babe, so much. - We shared a smile and, out of nowhere, someone was hugging me from behind and by the way that hug felt, I knew it was Sarah. All wrapped around me like a kid, she has been like this since I’ve met her. Always the clumsy one.  
\- Hey Hardcore. - I turned around to fully hug her and let go of Nic who stayed by our side smiling.   
\- Heyyyyyy Chez Bomb. I’ve missed you so much, you crazy ass woman. Where have you been? - I just laughed at her and winked, letting go of her as well.  
\- What about you Irish Diva? Come here, I missed you too. I missed all of you. - True that.   
Nadine walked to me like a shy child, like she was afraid I would turn her down. I waited until I could reach her and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her into a tight hug.   
\- Aww Chez, I missed you so much baby. - I smile into her hair and breathed her in. I’ve missed her… A lot, more than I thought I would. My friendship with Nadine wasn’t as affectionate as my friendship with the others but still, I loved her to bits. She was my inspiration sometimes. Her beauty was so surreal that it was hard to believe she was a real person.  
\- Missed you too, babe. - We broke apart and I started walking towards Bete who was looking at me with the same ugly face since I’ve entered the room.   
I walked like a kid who messed something up and was afraid that mommy and daddy would be pissed.   
\- Hi Bete, how are you today? - I was smiling like a little kid as well.  
\- Don’t even start with these puppy eyes of yours or this silly smile like you did nothing wrong. - She had her arms crossed around her chest, like she was the big boss.  
\- Oh, come on. Haven’t you missed me? Not even a little bit? A tiny bit? No?… -   
\- Ugh, I hate you. - She opened her arms and smiled wildly. - Come here already. -   
I jumped on the spot and hugged her, smiling so wildly that the corners of my mouth hurted.   
\- I’ve missed your amazingness. - She just smiled and we broke apart.   
I walked till my spot on the room and waited in silence for a few seconds.  
\- So… - All of them were looking at me and I knew exactly why but I wouldn’t just jump into Kimberley’s arms and pretend that nothing happened. She’s the pro on doing that, not me.   
\- So… - Nic repeated, looking at me like a lost puppy.  
\- Let’s begin or just stand here looking at me? -   
We began rehearsing but it was obvious that the girls were lost and it wasn’t because they didn’t knew the routines, we knew it better than our own names. It was because they didn’t knew why the hell I didn’t greeted Kimberley neither looked at the direction where she was. I hadn’t seen her face yet and didn’t want to.   
Kimberley’s POV  
I was nervous and the reason was clear: I was going to see her again after three days of no contact at all. I couldn’t help my hands from sweating. Cold, salty water running along them making me even more nervous. My mind was a torture itself, wondering how much she must hate me, how much she must wish for me not to be here so she doesn’t have to see my face, never again. I know she’s right to hate me. I left her again and, for her, I’m a heartless monster, a terrible nightmare that keeps coming back to hunt her. But I’m not, I don’t want to be.   
I was lost, unsure of what to do, of who I was. This isn’t like me, I’m not like that, am I?  
I don’t wanna be… No. I want to be her safety, like she once said I was.  
Oh God, I hate myself so much for doing that. I know why I left again, I know my reasons but, once more, she doesn’t and even if she did, she wouldn’t understand. I know she wouldn’t. She’s heart, she’s impulse, she’s made of today and she lives for it. She doesn’t think ahead. She’s right now, at this moment and maybe she’s right. Who guarantees that there will be a tomorrow, latter or next moment? I have no idea if I’m gonna wake up tomorrow morning.   
I love her so much but I can’t be like her, I just can’t. I can’t live for now and not think about how it’s gonna be two weeks from now. It would be a mess, a real nightmare coming back after her. I can’t do that, I can’t be the reason to that. I won’t be.  
I can hear her voice now, away and low but I can hear it and I’m sure it’s her. There’s no way I could mistake the sound of her voice, there’s no way that I could forget of how wonderful her voice sounds, the tune of her voice when she whispered into my ears late at night, how perfect she sounds when she used to say she loved me or needed me in her life… Stop Kimberley, she doesn’t want or need you anymore. Not after what you have done to her in the passed… I keep reminding myself of how stupid I was, how much I must have hurt her.   
I have to keep my feet on the ground because every time I let them float, I run back to her. I let myself believe that we can be, that we can stay together no matter what because I have enough love for both of us but that’s not how things work in this industry. It all becomes too much and too fake when it’s printed all over the papers.  
I’m taken of off my thoughts when the sound of the door closing enters my mind and makes me jump.  
I freezed, she was there.  
She looked so damn beautiful. Her hair in a high pony tail, sweatpants and a cropped top. Her body is perfect, oh my God.  
I just stared at her, I didn’t even realized it but my eyes where glued to her. Her perfect figure running around while hugging the girls.   
After she was done with all the hugging, she ran to her spot in front of me and said something about how we were all staring at her. My eyes went to the ground at the same second.   
I had no idea of how much I’ve missed her till now, until I saw her again. I could barely breathe, my chest was heavy, my heart beating too fast, my mouth went dry… Cold sweat everywhere making me its slave.   
We started dancing to our old steps, the retro ones that we did when the band was formed. I only had eyes for her. I kept analysing how her body moved, how perfectly she did every step and I couldn’t help but wonder: How could I let her go? Better even, how could I turn my back to her? Because that’s exactly what I did. I left her alone once more and walked away from her. I didn’t even said anything, I just got into that stupid cab and drove off. I left the woman I love behind without a word, an explanation. Maybe I am a heartlees monster. I wasn’t but I’ve became one.


	9. Chapter 9

Cheryl’s POV  
The day was passing slower than I ever thought possible and I was getting pissed. I wished for this day to pass fast. So fast that I wouldn’t be able to remember it, ever again. But yea, seems like God doesn’t work by my wishes so, here we STILL are. Rehearsing for lots of stuff that were coming upon us since our break.   
Everytime I tried to concentrate on the new dance moves, I caught myself thinking about her. I was losing myself to this memories that are hunting me for days now. I’ve tried to remain blank; no thoughts, no feelings, no nothing. But then I saw her, and, even tho I hate to admit it, she’s my trigger. She brings everything back, every emotion, memory… She’s like a breath of life running inside of my lungs and making pressure on my heart. And I can’t help but remember how our last rehearsals were. Full of energy, happiness, love, emotion, nervosism… A rush of the good and bad feelings all mixed up inside of each one of us but even being so confused with so many feelings at once, we used to find confort on each other. Now we don’t. I mean, I don’t. I can’t. Nothing gives me comfort, no one else knows how to do that except her and Nic but how am I supposed to find comfort on Nic if she doesn’t even know I need it and I’m not going to give in and ask.  
That’s it, no comfort for me, I’ll just keep torturing myself with the memories of the old and good Chim so many fans believe in.  
Out of nowhere, Beth starts saying something and all I can properly understand is that we’re having a 5 minutes break so we could drink some water. I got out of the rehearsals room before Beth was even finished with what she was saying and ran to the bethroom where I could isolate myself for a little while but then, uninvited, Nicola entered the bathroom after me.  
\- Chez, is everything okay? You seem a little bit off. -  
Lie.  
\- Erm… Yeah, I’m good. Just tired really. -  
\- Uhum… I see… Being tired is the reason for you not talking to Kimberley as well? -   
Shit.  
\- What?! Erm… No, not really. I just… -  
\- You just… love and hate her, don’t you? -   
How…  
\- Isn’t it right, Cheryl? -   
\- Sort of. -   
\- Why didn’t you tell me babe? I could’ve talked to her or, at least, helped you somehow. -   
\- How were you supposed to help me with this Nic? How? I don’t even know how I feel about her anymore, how were you supposed to know? -   
\- I don’t know babe, but I could’ve been there for you, you know?! -  
Tears, great. Just… fucking great. Crying over Kimberley again, what a suprise.   
\- I know, I’m sorry Nic. I just… I’m so confused. -   
\- Shh babe, it’s okay. Come here. -  
I didn’t move but she did. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight.   
I felt so good to be around Nic, she has such a porcelain heart.   
\- Thanks for understanding Nic. -   
\- I’ll always understand it babe. You guys have a long history togheter and yea, it might be a difficult one but hey… Look at me babe. -  
I did what she asked even tho I couldn’t see her properly thru the tears in my eyes.   
\- I know how much you love her. -  
\- I don’t… -  
\- Chez, don’t deny it. You love her, I can see it in your eyes and I know is hard for you to believe but I see the same love on Kimbers’s eyes. She loves you just as much but she’s messed up babe. She’s afraid. -   
\- Afraid of what Nic? I can’t understand it. She left and came back just so she could go again. She promised me she wouldn’t do it again and… Well, she did. -  
KNOCK KNOCK  
I jumped out of Nic’s arms, scared that whoever was knocking on the door had heard what we were talking about.   
\- What? - Nic seemed just as scared as I was but at least her voice still worked.  
\- Beth is asking for you girls. Is everything allright? - Sarah, thank God. She’s good with keeping secrets.  
\- Yes, we’re fine. We’ll be there in a second. -   
\- Okay. -   
And with that, we were alone again.  
\- Look Chez, baby. Everything is gonna be allright okay? Promise. -   
\- Don’t. -   
\- What? -   
\- Don’t promise me anything Nic. I don’t believe in promises anymore. -   
Nic looked at me like a child looks at a lost puppy but I just ignored it and walked by her, exiting the bathroom. I cleaned the tears on my face with the sleeves of my blouse and entered the rehearsal room again.  
\- What is so important? I thought we were taking a five minutes break not a half second break. -   
Nic was now in the room too, looking at Beth with a confused expression.  
\- Where’s Kim? - She asked.  
Beth took a deep breath…  
\- She’s gone. -   
\- What you mean she’s gone? -   
Sarah and Nadine appeared to know what was going on but me and Nic were lost.   
\- Well, she said she wasn’t feeling very well and asked me if she could go home so I let her. -   
\- She seemed just fine to me. - Nic, with scared puppy eyes.  
\- She seemed perfect to me. -  
\- Oh, really Cheryl? Cause you didn’t even looked at her. -   
Well, seems like Nadine was a bit pissed off.   
\- Course I did. She looked just like all the rest of you… Nothing wrong. -   
\- Yea, cuz is so normal when you guys don’t even look at each other. Seriously Cheryl, what the hell is going on with you two? -   
\- Nothing Nadine, everything is just perfect. -   
And with that, I got my purse and walked out only stoping to look at Nic.  
\- I’ll call you okay? -   
\- Allright babe, take care. -   
\- You too. I love you. -  
\- Love you more. -   
The drive home was fine till I got to my gate and couldn’t believe on my eyes.  
She was there, standing still, with red, teary eyes.   
Kimberley.   
What the hell was she doing here? Really, why was she here? To make some more promises she can’t keep? To cause me some more pain? Cause the pain I already feel must not be enough for her…  
I got out of my car and walked by her, like she was just another stranger on the street.  
\- Cheryl! Chez… Please, Cheryl, let me talk to you. Please, I’m begging you. Cheryl! -   
I only stopped to get my kyes but she was already standing next to me.   
\- Che… -   
I looked at her with such anger that I didn’t even recognized myself.   
\- WHAT?? What do you want Kimberley? -   
\- I wanna talk to you Cheryl. Please, let me explain why I left. -  
\- You mean why you broke your promise? Why you left AGAIN? Why the hell you seem to be pleasured every fucking time you break my heart? Cause it’s been two times already. What do you have to say Kimberley? That you’re sorry? Cause I don’t need to hear it, I already don’t believe in you. Not now and not ever again. Now, if you’ll excuse me… -  
Her lips met mine with no warning. Her hands were holding my face with such need it was hard to think clearly or maybe I just didn’t want to think clearly. I didn’t want to think at all but that didn’t stopped my mind from going to how wrong this was. And yet, it felt so right.   
My lips gave in making space for her tongue to meet mine.   
My foot left the ground for a second, but it was brief and once again, I was fighting against her. I don’t remember her being so strong or maybe I’m just weaked since I haven’t been eating properly but still, her embrace seemed to be unbreakable.  
She finally moved away and looked down, like she was waiting for me to jump into her arms and ask her to come back to me. Not that I didn’t want to, I did… So badly.   
\- The hell was that? Who do you think you are? -   
\- I’m sorry, I just… I love…-   
\- No, you don’t. Get lost Kimberley and don’t ever do that again. Don’t you dare come near me again. -   
\- I’m sorry. -   
Once I got into my house, I locked the door in a hurry. Scared that she would get inside somehow and make me lose sense again.  
The rest of the day went by in a blur. I tried so hard to get her away from me, to get over her and when I’m almost there - or, at least, I think I was - she comes back like a flood and washes me away.   
I managed to skip the super party Katy was planning to take me to by telling her exactly what had happened. Since she already knew everything, she gave me white card to just go to bed and feel miserable by myself. But, she did said she was not done with me. I had no idea what she meant by that but at least I was alone and in peace.  
Not in peace really but alone I was.   
When I lay down on my bed, ready to get some sleep; she invaded me again.  
And befored getting lost in the darkness that I’ve become, there was just one thing in my mind: her kiss.


End file.
